How Old Is Too Old?

The men I date tend to be anywhere from two to five years older than I am. I heard on the news the other day that in the best, most successful relationships, the man is five years older than the woman and the woman is 27% smarter than the man. I’m pretty smart so according to whatever study came up with the above statistics (including the peculiar 27%) I should be on the right track…which is sort of starting to scare me.

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I’m not old, I’m not in my twenties anymore but I don’t have a foot in the grave either, however, the men I’ve been meeting lately are starting to seem REALLY, REALLY old even though the are in the requisite five year range. It’s little things, like waaay more gray hair in person than in the profile pix. Sometimes it’s the extra crows feet and jiggly chin wattles. I met a man for coffee last week, “Mike-The-Cop”, nice man …really…but….he kept forgetting what I’d said to him over the phone the day before. Once he even forgot that I had a son in his twenties….whom I’d been telling him about not ten minutes before. Am I getting that old? I can still recall what I talked about ten minutes ago. That’s a good sign, right?

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A degenerating ability to hear correctly is another frightening trend. I was on the phone with another match, “Harry”, making plans to meet for drinks and possibly dinner. The conversation went something like this:

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Me: Why don’t we meet at Winberries in Ridgewood? The bar area’s comfortable and if we decide to stay the food is really good.

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Harry: OK. I know where Ridgewood is. It’s Wunneries?

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Me: No, Winberries.

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Harry: Huh? What? WINEries?

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Me: No, WinBERRIES…like a strawBERRY? W – I – N -B – E – R – R – I – E – S.

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Harry: Oh. Uh. Whinnies?

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Me: No…W…as in wind.

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Harry: W

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Me: Yes. I – N -B – E – R – R – I – E – S.

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Harry: W – A – N -E – E – R -I – E – S.

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Me: No …HARRY…listen. ( I speak slowly and deliberately, while suppressing the urge to scream) W – I – N -B – E – R – R – I – E – S.

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Harry: W – I – N -B – E – R – R – I – E – S. OH…WINberries!

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Me: YES!

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Harry: OK, now what’s the address.

I will spare you the rest of the conversation.

Perhaps I should start dating younger men. Let’s see, if the man is five years YOUNGER and the woman is, let’s say 46.5% smarter than he is, will that be a statistically good match? I don’t know..but let’s have some fun with this. Please take the following poll to help me decide. Results will be published in an upcoming post.

[polldaddy poll=2965995]

Planning that Big First Date

We have a guest post this week from our friends over at OnlineDatingSites.net. Enjoy…

Nothing compares to the anticipation and expectation of an exciting first date, especially when the two of you have been getting to know each other and feeling the sparks for a long time online. You’ve revealed some details about yourselves, made some cool connections, enjoyed some synchronicity, and shared more than a few grins and giggles. Finally you are ready to take the rapport to the next level and meet for that long overdue first date.

Here are three expert tips for planning it so that your chances of having the time of your life are greatly enhanced.

Ditch the Dinner and a Movie Concept

Dinner and a movie works fine in the movies, but sitting silently in a theatre watching a film that one or both of you may not like is a high risk proposition. Taste in movies is way too individual and picky, and you should spend your time talking and getting to know each other, not staring at the silver screen and munching popcorn. Go dancing, go to hear a band, go for a hike, or just stroll around town sampling desserts in cafes. The idea is to do something that lets you have opportunities to talk while participating in an active that you are both guaranteed to enjoy.

Daytime Dates are Fun Too

Dating does not just have to happen after work or at night on the weekend. Some of the most fun-filled dates happen over lunch or while doing daylight activities like going out to the beach or taking a picnic to the park. Whether you stroll through a museum, browse the shelves in a bookstore, or head out to a paint ball shooting range or the tennis court, there are plenty of great ways to plan a daytime date.

Bring Along Friends

Perhaps the best way to learn about a person is to get to know their friends, so if you are meeting an online date for your first experience of face time, why not make it a group gathering with friends? You can all reserve a big table at your favorite sushi or pizza place, for example, and if things with your date go really well your friends can eventually head off their separate ways to give the two of you some one-on-one time. If the chemistry isn’t there then at least you’ve both gotten to know a few new people, and being in a group takes the pressure off of each of you to make it all more casual and carefree.

One thing to always plan into any first date is convenient contingencies or options. If you start off on a day hike and it starts to rain, have a backup plan prepared so the whole date is not a flop. You’re excited about going disco dancing together but you find the dance floor too crowded or the DJ too dull.

If you’ve got a few other ideas in mind already then you don’t have to skip a beat and instead of those bumps in the road being setbacks to your relationship they can bring out your mutually shared spontaneity. That keeps the date going and also keeps the romantic energy flowing in the right direction.

Written by Tom Kerry a writer for OnlineDatingSites.net, a site that specializes in dating, online dating advice, and reviews of online dating sites.

DWD – Drinking While Dating

It’s Friday. It’s after 6pm. Perfect time for a cocktail. But, on this Friday, you are meeting a date. You are a bit nervous. A cocktail would be great about now. So, do you have a drink? How much is too much?

If you listen to the MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER she tells you no alcohol.

I have gone to extremes. I have done the coffee date as I don’t want alcohol to muddy the date or my perception. I have also gone to a wine bar and done a wine tasting and after several tastings, am a bit … “happy.” This is where he gets alot cuter and more charming than he really is. And, I am pretty sure I think I am more funny than I really am!

I don’t know what happens to you when you partake in spoils of a grape, but after 2 drinks, I get very talky and ramble.

So, I have concluded that I should have a 2 drink minimum and if I think the evening is going to be longer, I break that up and stick to wine spritzers. I ask for more spritz than wine and this way, I feel like I am drinking but the affects are greatly reduced! This is a good thing.

It is funny how the intake of alcohol can fake us out and think we are making sense. But, it also depends on how much our date is drinking. And, whereas they might join you in that 2nd or 3rd drink, that does not mean that they are not taking in how much you might be drinking.

I think the key is to devise a plan BEFORE you meet your date. Limit yourself to 1 one drink or 2 spritzers and if you want o break it up, have a soda or non-alcoholic drink in between.

And, likewise, it is good for you to see how much your date is drinking or how much he pushes you to drink. Be careful of the red flags that could give you insight to some problem.

Whatever you do, do not go crazy drinking on a first date because you will most assuredly have regrets over your actions or what you said. And regrets are tedious and time consuming.

Put your best foot forward and make sure you present the best you. Don’t get drunk. Don’t have a TMI (Too Much Information) incident. And, make sure you are always in control of your faculties so you are also not the victim of someone with more sinister motives.

I am starting to think a coffee shop really is the perfect date!
But, if you opt for something more adult, please use caution and whatever you do, do NOT Drink While Driving and please try not to Drink While Dating (on the first date anyway! :-) )

Please take our poll. Would love to hear your views.
What do you think?
[polldaddy poll=2846555]
Let me know.

Mariann

Huh???

I was contacted by someone on PlentyOfFish.com (I hate the name of that site…it sounds so smarmy — Plenty Of Fish, please change your name :) ) early last week. He just wrote a short little note asking me to take a look at his profile and to email if I had any interest. I read. I was interested.

I like sincere profiles that say something about the inner person, not just what he’s accomplished or owns or what his hobbies are and this profile was just as sincere as could be. So I emailed back with my cell number and email address. He called the next day. Wow.

We had one of those easy conversations that didn’t sound like the typical online dating “interview”. We laughed a lot too…always a big plus for me. He was a divorced dad, adored his kids, liked to work out, go hiking and Scuba diving. I don’t dive but my dad used to so I was at least able to converse intelligently on that subject. Diver Dan and I decided to make plans to meet the next weekend, when he was sans-children.

I always get a little stage fright when I walk into a coffee shop or bar and this night was no exception. I was a little jittery as I stood in the local pub where we’d decided to meet. My back was turned when Diver Dan tapped me on the shoulder, I turned….looked….smiled…nice looking guy….warm eyes….great smile…stage fright gone. It was one of those first meetings that didn’t really feel like a first meeting – it was just easy and comfortable. We shared a great conversation, had a drink and some pizza. At one point in the evening we played darts and then we talked some more.

I am usually more likely than not to accept a second date with an online match. I really believe that it takes more than a phone call and a quick meeting to see if there’s any possibility of chemistry and this time was no exception. I was truly anticipating a possible second date. I was pretty sure he was too…he made a paper rose for me out of a cocktail napkin (don’t laugh…I thought it was cute!) It had been snowing that day and when we left the pub he cleaned my car off for me. Chivalry, you gotta love it.

Now, the other thing that I’ve gotten into the habit of doing is to call or email a date the next day to let them know either A) I had a lovely time, but I didn’t think we were compatible, or B) I had a REALLY lovely time and would be open to seeing him again. Diver Dan was a “B”. I called and left a message on his cell. He never called back…HUH???

Why? Who knows. Maybe I wasn’t tall enough for him, or maybe he really, really wanted to meet a fellow scuba diver. Maybe he met someone else the next day and decided that she was more to his liking. Maybe I threw my darts in a dorky way. Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe….as the book says: He Was Just Not That Into Me.

This is one of the more challenging aspects of online dating. You really do have to develop a thick skin, particularly since there seems to be no discernable type of etiquette to dating online. It’s probably why I make it a point to offer a verdict after a first date….just my way of rebelling against the status quo of non-response…hey, it’s how I roll, rebel that I am…LOL. But my way is apparently not the way of the overall dating community so I just move on, no tears, no wondering, just movin’ on. And anyway I found this adorable guy on Match.com, cute, sincere, meaningful profile…I’ll email and then…..

Sharon