LOVE: I want what my Mother had!

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I have to admit, I am feeling like a fish out of water. OK, so my friends would laugh hysterically over that comment with quips like, “You’re just realizing that now?” Loving friends for sure! I feel like what I want is a step out of time with where current expectations in dating are these days.

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I am coming up on 4 years without my mom here on earth. And, I wanted to go through some of her things and start to give some of the jewelry items to my nieces and nephews with a note that explained what the item was and some history to it.

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As I was going through her things, I noticed I also had my dad’s jewelry box. My dad passed on 19 years ago. Now my father wore almost no jewelry and had very little in that area. But, what he had tucked away among his old Irish Step Dancing medals was a small note folded up. He kept a love letter my mom wrote to him called, “Should I?” It was so sweet. It captured a youthful love of innocence and wondering if you should risk sharing your feelings. I published the poem in last weeks blog post — so check it out!

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I got misty eyed though. The note to me encapsulated what love and dating should be about. It captured a time when men knew how to be men and women were feminine and not afraid to be so and there seemed to be abundant respect and love between 2 people.

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Is This Too Much To Ask For?
SO, I WANT WHAT MY MOTHER HAD! I want a man who knows his place and how to be a gentleman. A man who is kind and thoughtful. A man who would go to the ends of the earth for you. A man who wants to please you and have you be proud of him. A man who wants to care for and provide for his family and not fail. A man who is in love with a woman and makes her feel special and taken care of. Is this too much to ask?

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Now is every marriage perfect all of the time? NO. Are there bumps in the road along the way? ABSOLUTELY. I see the world thru rose colored glasses but I am not that Pollyanna enough to think that people are perfect 100% of the time. But, they try and that means a lot.

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I wish we could all just take a step back in time to a gentler time when courtship and respect and love seemed to be done with sophistication, innocence and heart. Then maybe I would not feel like a “fish out of water.”

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Thanks for letting me share. Mariann

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Stop by Singles Warehouse to read our latest post! And while you’re there be sure to check out all the other fine dating and relationship articles by the #SWEXPERTS

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DATING: A Love Letter – “Should I?”

Last week I was going through some of my beloved mothers personal items (she is 4 years in heaven). As I was going through some of my mom’s things, I found my father’s jewelry box and tucked away amidst his Irish Step Dancing Medals was a note … a love note my mother wrote to him before they married. So, it is probably Circa 1957.

 

I come from an Irish family, so they did not lavish a ton of physical affection upon you. A hug and a kiss meant the worrld to me. It was not idly given or thrown away. Words and actions counted and meant something. My parents loved their children dearly and they showed it in their selfless behavior, their care in providing a stable & loving home and their zest for developing our mind and talents. A poem, a letter, a smile with a nod and wink, or sharing themselves over a cup of tea is how my parents communicated love. And, I was lucky ~ I felt very loved!

So, when the care was taken to write a poem and expose your heart, it prodded you to take notice and realize how difficult it might have been … but it was so important, it had to be said.

Here is a poem written by my mom, Patricia L. Kelly O’Connor to her soon to be husband, Kenneth F. O’Connor in 1957:

SHOULD I?

Should I say I miss you
Do you think I dare,
Say I miss your smile
Or, how you miss my hair?

Say I miss your joking,
Or, the twinkle in your eye,
Say I miss your hand in mind
How I hate to say, “goodbye?”

Say I miss your dancing,
How we stay out so late
Say I’ve had more fun with you,
Than any other date?

Say I like the talks we’ve had
How I enjoyed your every word?
If I should say all this to you,
Would you think me absurd?

I know you think me silly
And serious, not a mite
But, should I say I miss you
Since you last told me “goodnight?”

Should I say these things to you?
I stop … I hesitate … then sigh …
I guess I really shouldn’t …
But maybe … dear me, “Should I?”

It’s innocent & touching and reveals her heart … and that gives me goosepimples!

Thanks, Mariann

One Tiny Ring…One Great Love Story

My mom passed on this Spring and my siblings, my dad and I are still feeling the loss. I was always in awe of the love story she and my dad shared. I’ve often thought that they were a tough act to follow in the “finding your soulmate” department, but at the same time they seemed a blueprint for what makes a solid and lasting relationship – something to strive for.

We all have our good days and bad days now, alternately breaking down still from the loss and sometimes just feeling her presence still in our lives so strongly that it’s almost as if she were really here, whispering in our ears.

So much love in a tiny ringOne of the things that is helping me through this time is Mom’s favorite ring, a ring I wear all the time now because it makes me feel as if she’s wrapped around my finger…and that makes me happy. And of course…there is a story to the ring.

Many years ago, when my parents were raising us four children, my dad found himself out of work. Mom was still a stay at home mom, as most women with children were then. I was old enough to know that things were bad, very bad. Money was tight and the threat of losing our home hung over us, vulture-like.

Around this time, mom saw a ring in a local jewelry store. White gold with a series of diamond bagettes, it was sparkly, elegant and beautifully simple in it’s design.

“Someday, when things are better – and they will be, you can get that ring for me.” she told my dad. He nodded and said sure, I’ll do that.

Not long after, dad saw a newspaper ad from this store, featuring the ring. He cut it out, folded it, and put it in his wallet.

Times did get better, dad got a job, mom went to work too. We grew and thrived. And one day, dad handed his “bride” a tiny jewelry box, wrapped in a yellowing newspaper ad. It became a ring she cherished, not because of it’s price or color or beautiful circle of diamonds, but because of the love it contained.

Now, it’s a ring I cherish for the love it holds and the memories it recalls.

Sharon

Dynamic Men … Trés Sexy!

About a year ago I was talking with some friends and one of them mentioned that a mutual acquaintance of ours, “Jed”, had sent a group email to her and a few other women asking if they had any nice single girlfriends who wouldn’t mind going on a blind date with him.

My girlfriend Jenny said she’d thought of me but then changed her mind about suggesting me because she said she thought I needed someone more “dynamic” than Jed.

My reaction was, well yes Jed and I wouldn’t be an even remotely good match. He’s a sweet guy but…I’d describe him as a “little bird” of a man. Slightly built, timid, very shy. With what my mom would have described as a milquetoast personality. Pleasant as he was to talk to at group get-togethers, on a date I’d be silently screaming and tearing my hair out. Yep, I admit it, beyond looks and build and career, I need a guy with an outgoing personality. Not just because my artist/musician/theater friends are all blazing extroverts who would be overwhelming to the poor guy, but also because I need …well, fire.

Now by fire I don’t necessarily mean sexually…although that IS TERRIBLY IMPORTANT. Nor do I mean a fiery temper, I actually prefer someone NOT temperamental. No, I mean a zest for life…that kind of fire…that’s dynamic.

Nothing, and I mean nothing, is more appealing to me than a man who relishes every minute of every day. I don’t care what he does for a living, what IS important is the fire and determination that he puts into that job. I melt for the man who is always up for a new adventure whether it’s vacationing in a new locale, going to a strange NY neighborhood to try the new restaurant with the exotic cuisine, or going to a party where he knows no one – and making ten new friends there. I adore a man who wakes up in the morning with a smile as bright as a super-nova because another day on this earth awaits him.

This is the thing that I find challenging to describe in a dating profile, under the “Who I’m Looking For” section. What I have in my profile is basically what I’ve written here, but I’m not sure sometimes how that comes across. The Dynamic thing is, I think, a quality of a person’s soul and there’s no check box for that on any of the dating sites. Trust me, I’ve looked for it!

What I will do, have been doing, is just get out there and meet guys. Because you must meet face-to-face to get a sense of a person’s spirit..their fire. This is something that never comes across entirely in a written profile. Sometimes you can get a sense of it during a phone conversation but truly, you need to be able to look into someones eyes, to feel the passion and joy for life they carry with them.

And I’m curious. Really, comment and let me know, what’s the thing you look for in a date that’s completely intangible? What quality of spirit to you crave in a significant other? Is it something you already found in a partner? Do tell.

Sharon