Not Tonight Dear, I Feel Fat by Michael Alvear: REVIEW

not-tonight-dear-i-feel-fatWhen I received a copy of “Not Tonight Dear, I Feel Fat: How to Stop Worrying About Your Body and Have Great Sex” by Michael Alvear my first thought was, “I haven’t had debilitating body issues since I waved goodbye to my 20’s, not sure if this will be relevant for me”. I was wrong.  Women overestimate their body size by 25% and over half of us will put off having sex – even if we’re in the mood – because we feel “fat”. Even the most self-confident of us will feel this way from time to time…I know I do. There are numerous studies to back up these facts and Mr. Alvear quotes them liberally in “Not Tonight Dear…” I’ve been on enough dates where I’m checking out the other women in the area to see how my figure compared to theirs and I’ve felt awkward about being intimate with a man because I was feeling, as I like to put it, “a little bloated”. Who needs a study to confirm that?

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The author however uses these studies to build the foundation for what I found to be a practical and actually very entertaining book. After laying out the facts about how our weight isn’t the problem — it’s our perception of our weight that trips us up in the bedroom — he presents the reader with some practical and, well…fun and sexy advice for how to quiet our fat voices and learn to have a better time in bed.

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Michael Alvear’s advice ranges from getting enough aerobic exercise (yes, going to the gym will raise your libido) to developing a repertoire of sexual fantasies, to finding ways to bring an appreciation for all things sensual into your life. Be warned though, this is not a theoretical book. It’s filled with explicit sexual advice on everything from talking dirty in bed to how-to sections on sexual technique. It is however written in a friendly and often very amusing voice, which will make for informative and entertaining reading for even the most sexually bashful reader.

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It struck me as I was reading that this would also be a fantastic book for couples to read together. As the author points out, men perceive us as more beautiful and sensual than we do ourselves. What a great way to open up that dialogue with your significant other about what you most appreciate and enjoy about one another’s bodies! “Not Tonight Dear…” at it’s heart is also a playful little sex and relationship manual that I’m sure you could have loads of fun with, even if you have zero issues with your body, weight or sexuality. This is a must-read for women, even if they’re one of the lucky ones with no pressing body-image issues, and couples who want to strengthen their relationships or just have more fun in bed.

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Book Review: “WTF Are Men Thinking?”

Admit it, you want to know what guys really think, you know you do. Market researchers Christopher Brya and Miguel Almaraz suspected as much, so they asked….and 250,000 men answered.

In their new book “WTF Are Men Thinking?: 250,000 Men Reveal What Women REALLY Want to Know” (October 2012) the authors lay out honest answers from men on the topics of dating, sex, romance, marriage, work, and communications. The PR materials for “WTF…” describe it as Dear Abby meets modern crowdsourcing, and never has a phrase been more spot-on descriptive of a book.

In each chapter men answer questions that we gals have all asked ourselves (and our girlfriends) at one time or another. Here you’ll find honest and sometimes surprising answers to questions like, “Will he cheat?”, or “What’s the biggest first date deal-breaker?”, “At what point in a relationship does he expect sex?”, and the biggest head-scratcher (to women anyway) of all time, “Why is asking to talk a big deal?”

Each question includes a pie-chart with percentages, actual quotes from some of the men polled and a “What to look for” closing, to sum up the question and what it may mean to women asking.

This is an entertaining and very informative read…but wait, let’s get into the spirit of the “Q & A” format and do an informal – and admittedly very small – poll of the two gals of LifeBytes.

Question: What did you think about “WTF Are Men Thinking”?

It’s hard to recall a book that has been more fun to read than “WTF…”. I’ve spent the last few evenings flipping through, reading men’s answers and being enlightened and sometimes really surprised. Who knew that men think foreplay is JUST as important as sex (83% gals…..83%!!!), or that it’s A.O.K. for me to make the first move (that would be 82%)

I think I could build a “Girl’s Night” around this book. Let’s see, couple of GF’s, a coffee cake, a few bottles of wine and “WTF Are Men Thinking”….sounds like a recipe for a looonng evening of girl talk.

First, let me say that I LOVE THIS book! I think every woman should keep it in their nightstand and close at hand and refer to it often. If they did, I suspect more relationships might work out … or not drag on unnecessarily as long as they do. This is not a book you sit down and read like a novel. It is more like a grab bag, you flip to a chapter and start reading the intriguing tidbits of information. What I especially enjoy about this book is that it asks the question in the exact way women ask questions not only in their mind but also in conversations with their girlfriends. I like the honesty of the answers. OK, so the engineer in me is fascinated with the statistics and pie charts. The writer in me loves the quotes from readers that give the reader perspective on the question.

I was happy to see that 66% of men favor dating cougars … Me thinks I should lower my search age on!! I was actually surprised at some of the topics addressed because they were so candid and I think do reflect accurately what people are thinking about. So, it is good they are being addressed. Some of the answers and statistics are not surprising such as men not wanting to kiss someone they are not attracted to (74%). But, when asked what personality traits were important, EASY GOING came in at 58% next to INTELLIGENCE at 36%.

Yes, I agree with Sharon … I can see a good girls night with a few bottles of wine (for Sharon alone) and some fun friends and using this book to do what we girls love to do … talk about boys! Alto, I really do think they should make a board game based on the book. It would be a good seller!! And while they are at it, they may want to market it with some wine called, WTF, just for good measure. With Sharon’s consumption alone, it is bound to be a best seller!!

My recommendation is TWO Thumbs up for “WTF Are Men Thinking?” by Christopher Brya and Miguel Almarez. It is a fun and interesting read and is definitely water cooler worthy! Aside from being informative, it would make a great “stocking stuffer” at the Holidays!

“WTF Are Men Thinking?: 250,000 Men Reveal What Women REALLY Want to Know” is available at (Release date: October 1, 2012)

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