saddle love

Getting Back Into The Love Saddle

I have been on a dating hiatus. My intention has been to get back on the dating sites and I keep finding excuses. I’m tired. I’m busy. Work is overwhelming. I need to lose 20 pounds. So many available excuses. But too much time has passed since my last serious relationship and I really need to be getting back into the love saddle again. Yipee!

Getting Back into the Love Saddle is Important

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Looking for love is harder than looking for a job … in my opinion. It can be tiresome to get back on line and go through one profile after another to see if someone’s pic or headline or words standout and resonate with you. And sometimes I will pass over a profile and wonder … maybe I am being too judgemental (which my friends have claimed I can be)? What if I just passed on the love of my life? But I have to be confident in what profile intrigues me.

Pick a Profile Against your Typical Type – Try Something New!

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I will say, I have tried to follow my friends advice and choose a profile that does not fall into what I typically pick or go for and I will say I have been pleasantly surprised. What amazes me as I go back on line is that there are still people I have seen on there for almost 10 years and I wonder, “what’s wrong with them?” But, then again, so have I. So, I need to check my judgement at the door and understand everyone has a story and a journey.

Trust Your Gut in Determining if the Profile is Authentic

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So, here I go. I don’t know what will happen next. It’s like playing the lottery … I could win at love or just keep scratching off those profiles. It’s exciting and scary at the same time. But, as the saying goes, “you have to be in it to win it.” And, I am going to try a multi-prong approach and not rely solely online but will look into some clubs or activities that will provide with additional exposure to real live interaction. But I do realize I need to re-write my many year old profile … but I think I will delegate that to my friends. Maybe their input will have a positive impact. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

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Stay tuned …..

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Fun Dating 1

Summer Is Ending, So Get Dating

Fun, friends, good times and relaxation is what summer is all about. The three and a half months of summer seem too short before the first cool day of Fall is upon us. The long days fade into long nights and the normal pace of life seems to settle back into until flowers of Spring sprout. If you haven’t met anyone then get going. Summer is ending, so get dating.

Summer Is Ending, So Get Dating

Take a fresh look at your love life and figure out where you want to be and with who. Once you do, then you need to take action and throw yourself back into the crazy and wacky world of dating. You certainly won’t meet anyone while sitting at home in front of the TV.

Fall Is A Time Of Renewal And A Great Time To Meet Someone

Approach looking for someone with a positive attitude and a strategy. Yes, definitely try some online dating sites that are interesting to you or have a good reputation such as Match, ChristianMingle, JDate our Ourtime. Be selective but be open to perhaps go outside your normal type. You may be pleasantly surprised.

Try Different Venues To Meet People

Also make sure you get out and interact with real live human beings. That is very important. Whether it is a charity, political group, interest based group or athletic focus, get involved and be friendly. You will not only meet friends, but you may find someone who catches your eye. And the larger your grow your sphere of friendship, the more chance you have to meet someone.

Have Fun Looking And Participating In Life

There are plenty of resources to help you find outlets and provide advice on how and where to meet someone and what to do on that date once you have met your next amore!


Talking To Strangers – Online Dating Safety

Online dating safety … we’re aware of it, talk about it, worry about it … until we meet an online profile that ignites our fantasies about this guy maybe being “the one”. Which is why Mariann and I have written several articles about personal safety, and why it bears repeating yet again.

Online dating can be frustrating but also loads of fun, you get to meet men you’d otherwise never know and have an interesting conversation and a cocktail or two. You also have to wade your way through piles of s**t – men who have been let out of the lunatic asylum waaaay too soon. Those are the ones that eventually find value in the hysterically funny stories you will turn them into to entertain your friends. I personally am considering charging a small entertainment fee at the next party I attend … I usually have everyone in stitches by the end of the night!

Online Dating Safety First

Of course the dark side of online dating is that there are men out there who are scammers, married, or potential rapists – or worse. Depending on what you read, you’ll hear that anywhere between 1 out of every 10 or greater online profiles are fake. Scary thoughts. It takes a gutsy girl to be dating online. It also takes a smart girl. You can date safely online if you always, always, always, keep your personal safety foremost in your mind at all times. Live by these basic, easy to follow rules even if – no, especially if his profile photo and writeup sound ideal.

1. Never give out personal information – all your potential date needs to know is your first name and how to reach you, either a cell number or email address. It’s also not a bad idea to have a separate email account just for online dating communication.

2. Make sure you meet the person – sounds silly right? After all aren’t we on dating sites to do just that? Scammers, ones who will eventually talk you into sending them the contents of your bank accounts or are just Catfishing, will do everything they can to avoid meeting in person. If someone is putting off a meeting stop communicating with them.

3. Meet in a well-lit, preferably crowded public place – You will feel safer, you will be safer… and tell a friend or two where and when you’re meeting and text them when you get home to let them know that all went well.

4. Trust your instincts – If someone sounds odd online or over the phone please do not make plans to meet them. If you meet someone and they are saying or doing anything at all that makes you uncomfortable, end the date and leave. Text that friend who knows where you are to meet you there to walk you to your car. Those hairs that raise up on the back of your neck when danger is near? Heed them.

5. Remember that it’s OK to be single – Most of the stories I hear about online dating-turned-dark comes from singles who desperately want to meet someone. So desperately that they let their guard down and hook up with the wrong person. Embrace and enjoy your single-ness, find friends and hobbies and things to do that you love because not only will you be a smarter dater, that confidence you now have in you could just attract the right person.

Date safe, date happy my friends.


Dating Resolutions

It’s time for some dating resolutions. I refuse to call them New Year’s resolutions because really, who ever keeps those for longer than a week! We can make resolutions, or promises to ourselves, at any time. The key is to keep them and put them into action. A well-intentioned resolution, one that you’ve thought through and sincerely believe in, can change your attitude and oftentimes your life.

Based on some of my and my friends’ current frustrations with online dating, I’ve come up with a list of dating resolutions for your consideration. Please feel free to discuss, add to, complain about, laugh at, or parody on YouTube the following:

Dating Resolutions – Resolved:

  1. I will go after what I want. Ladies, this one is for you. If you want to meet men who fit your criteria (more about that later), live in driving distance, and are not lunatics you must make the first move online. The odds are NOT in your favor. The sad fact is that there are many more women dating online than there are men. Also, the men who date online tend to be somewhat shyer than the type of guy you’d meet at the corner pub or other public place – but that’s a good thing. You remember the type of guys you used to meet at bars, right? It’s why you decided to try the online route! If you keep waiting for “the right guy” to notice your charming photos and contact you then you will be continually frustrated by notes from guys who live 500 miles away, can’t spell, look like your grandfather, or are obvious Catfish. Read those profiles carefully to weed out the bad apples and contact the guys who seem the most sincere!
  2. I will remember that the name of the game is to MEET people I contact. Gentlemen…. AHEM…. this one is for you. From my experience, the current trend in online dating seems to be one of emailing incessantly but never actually setting up a date to meet. I for one am not dating online to find a lifelong pen pal. I want to actually meet you…in person. I’m not sure what the issue is here guys, you’ll have to fill me in on this. Getting to know someone over a drink or a cup of coffee isn’t painful, it should be the first goal when meeting online.
  3. I will go out of my “must haves” comfort zone. In fact, make it a point to go out of your “type” comfort zone entirely. Most of us have long lists of what we require in a date and most of those requirements will fly out the window when we meet someone to whom we’re instantly attracted. STOP arguing with me…you know it’s true! Give singles who are not your usual type a chance. Go out for coffee or a drink with someone who JUST sounds as if they’d be fun or interesting to talk to. It will open up the field of possibilities and you might be surprised at the outcome.
  4. I will be smart and safe. If you are an intelligent adult you most likely already do this, but it always bears repeating. Remember that there are many nefarious types online, preying on lonely singles. You are smart enough to weed out the baddies. Meet in a public well-lit place, do not give out personal data like addresses, etc. until you’ve seen someone a couple of times and have done at least a Google search on them. Learn to spot a Catfish; it’s not hard most of them are pitifully obvious if you know what to look for.

So these are my top resolutions for dating online. Feel free to argue about any of them or add to the list if you want. Me? I have a date tonight with an out-of-my-must-have-zone-willing-to-meet-in-person-hopefully-not-catfishy-guy-who-I-contacted-first. I’ll let you know how it goes ;)

Sharon Sommerhalter

Email, Wink, Flirt…Don’t Wait, Go For It

I was flipping through some profiles on Match the other day and I was, surprisingly, excited to see a few guys who – based on their profiles – looked promising to me.

In the past when someone caught my eye I’d “favorite” them. This is Matches way of letting you bookmark profiles. My thinking was, I’d send a witty email when I had the time to write (and the inclination to be witty). Problem was, a lot of times I’d go back and some of the profiles I’d favorited would be gone, either hidden or removed. This usually sends me off into “what if” land. What if I missed a chance to meet someone great? What if one of the disappeared guys was my last chance at finding Mr Right? What if. What if. What if.

Of course I know that chances are only a very small percentage of these guys would have evolved into a single coffee date…let alone a series of dates….or, dare I say it…a relationship. But still, those missed connections do make one wonder.

So, my new tack is to do something…email, wink, anything. They may respond back, or not. The point is, if you don’t knock on the door then it’s guaranteed that no one will answer. If I put the simple “hi, how are you” message out there though, someone will answer. Also, I won’t be wondering “what if”. If I send a message and he doesn’t respond I’ll know he wasn’t interested in getting to know me. If he does respond, well…it could very well be the start of something big.


Check out our latest article “Your Must Haves…Pick Three” on Singles Warehouse! And while you’re there be sure to read posts from some of the other fine SWEXPERTS.

Online Dating Sites – A Rating of My Own

Which dating site should you join?I am really looking for love and am so ready to fall head over heels for someone that it is almost painful.

Recently, I realized, I have been spending too much time on work and not enough on social activities. So, I am trying to scope some social outings or events that might prove worthwhile.

In the meantime, I am looking at all kinds of websites. From being on a few steadily for a few years, I feel like I keep seeing the same profiles. So, I thought it would be strategic to join a bunch of different sites to see if there is anyone new or intriguing.

I have interacted with many, and here is my opinion. This is solely my opinion based on experience.
Like this site. Easy to navigate. Quality of people seems good as long as you filter and read between the lines properly to stay away from the ones you should. Started to have their own live mingle an event which is great. Met some nice people on this site. My primary site to meet someone.
I have tried this site on and off for years. I have friends who met on this site and are now married. I like the different levels of communication, but sometimes, as you progress in the stages, the men seem to take longer and longer to respond. They need to shorten this or find a way to bring this process along sooner.
A cousin to which tries to combine the search feature of with the selected for you feature of except the stages of communication are simpler and shorter. Met a couple on this site. Many are on as well. I am a member for free since they imported all the profiles when they started up years ago and those members gain access for free as a result.
I had no luck with this site. Found a lot of dead beat people or ones who were still married or are “just separated.”
I am Catholic. Stay away from this site. It draws the most odd and socially incapable people on this site. I get strange responses. One guy wrote me once that he wanted a traditional woman who knows her place in the home and will stay in the kitchen, cook and clean for her man and be a traditional housewife as he does not want his wife to work at all. Oh boy — so many issues there. Delete. Move on.
This site draws a much more diverse and normal group of people who are religiously minded. Met a few nice people. Taking a break from them now. But, I would consider going back for a 3 month stint.
I am not a senior but am open to people in their 50s. This site is really for the over 45 crowd. I joined and emailed many people and not one responded back. Thought that was weird. Even to say they were not interested. But, I think I got ONE email in all the months I was on it. I have ended my membership. I may go back, but it would be 6-12 months away
I tend to be conservative although my friends think I am really a Democrat. I just joined. I thought there was much more of a database and am finding it is small. It might grow. I will give it 3 months. If I have not met anyone, then I will not renew. Will keep you posted.
This is a nice site. Easy to navigate. Wish there were more options to put information. Met a couple of nice people. Some are extreme and only talk about religion. I am religious but not every word has to be about one topic. Search engine is good and they send you match options like which is nice.
I am Irish and would like to meet someone with a commonality in our heritage. This site has been disappointing. A lot of the people contacting me are younger and they send one word or a sentence. That is it. Most of the people are in Ireland, which makes it challenging. To date though, I am not impressed.
This site is disappointing. You can search but you have to join to send emails. I did. I will give it a shot. But, so far the people on it don’t seem to line up with me or what I am looking for.
This is a free site and have some friends who had success. I personally find you get very young or very old people contacting you. Also, I have found a lot of married guys on the site. A friend has had very good experiences and dated a few people. As of this moment, I think I will use other venues.

I know there are some niche sites, but currently what I have seen for people interested in specific hobbies, etc, the database of people are very small and a one month membership is all that is needed to fully check out a site. If you like it, you can always join for a longer time.

What have been your experiences? Can you make any recommendations?
Thanks for sharing.

Now that you have an idea of what site to join…read our latest post on Singles Warehouse to make sure you know how to plan the perfect date!

Back In The Saddle Again.

I’ve just re-instated my subscription after a few months break. I had needed a bit of a Date-cation. First of all, I was losing my sense of humor about online dating. Normally when I’m on a date with someone who had obviously posted photos from ten years ago, or someone who sounded so nice in an email but upon meeting showed himself to be grumpy, negative, bigoted, or otherwise distasteful, I would amuse myself for the duration by mentally composing the riotously funny story I would be regaling my friends with afterwards. Being the life of the party is contingent on having an entertaining monologue to perform, trust me on this. I knew my humor was at a low when I’d go out on a date with Mr. Wrong and just want to cry…or die (here is where I would be mentally composing my obituary).

It turned out to be a slightly longer break than I’d intended. My Mom’s health took a turn for the worse and we lost her. The last thing I felt like doing was pretend to be sparkling and witty on a date. She and my Dad had been married for fifty-seven years. How’s THAT for a real love story?

But, the warm Spring breezes and thoughts of Summer nights with a charming new date have enticed me back into the fold. So, here I go and I will hopefully find a charming new man for myself. Either that or I’ll have some charming new tales to share with y’all. Or maybe both…that would be fun, wouldn’t it? Wish me luck!


One (or two) more things:

Our VERY FIRST POST is up on Singles Warehouse! Stop by and say hi…:)

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Online Dating: The Pros and Cons

Is online dating for you?When I mention to people that I “Date Online”, I get various reactions. These range from Really? How cool! I’ve always wanted to try doing that, to Nooooo….all the guys online are creeps and losers! No matter the initial response, just about everyone is curious about it. If they’re not single themselves then they have a single friend or relative who they think should try dating online.

I’ve helped singles get online, pick a site and write a great profile. Some of these folks do quite well and, even if they don’t immediately find the love of their life, have loads of fun looking. Then there are people who go online, meet one or two people and drop off the site immediately because they HATE IT.

This is why I always advise everyone to at least try it, because you don’t know if cyber-dating is for you or not…until you get in the pool at least once.

There are pros and cons to dating online and you have to decide what your comfort level is with the down-side and whether the benefits outweigh them. So here are a few to ponder.

The Pros:
1. You get to date. More than you would by hanging out at a club. Certainly more than you ever will if you’re just relying on friends and family to hook you up with someone. Ever notice how the “perfect” person your friend/relative fixed you up with is just SOOO wrong for you? I have…makes me wonder what these people who should know me well are thinking!!

2. You get to meet people you NEVER would have met otherwise. Fact is, you probably will have to date many people online before you meet someone with whom you’d consider a long-term relationship. But that doesn’t mean that all the others are horrible dates…just not right for you. You’ll at least be able to look forward to coffee, drinks or dinner with a new person and interesting conversation.

3. It’s cheaper than psycho-analysis. I’ve found that setting up a profile calls for much self-examination. You need to be able to describe yourself in less than 2000 words, and that is more challenging than you’d think. You really have to look into yourself to decide who you are and who your ideal match would be. When I first went online to date I described myself as shy. A few dates later, I realized that I wasn’t “shy” at all – just more interested in hearing what my date had to say than in going on and on about Me. You learn much about yourself.

4. You hone your sense-of-humor to a razor sharp point. The first thing I tell singles about online dating is…you must have a sense of humor. You will meet wackos, unsavory types and people who are charming but…weird. You need to be able to laugh about these encounters at some point. Remember, they’re just brief stops on a journey to love.

So…the Cons:

1. Dating online takes time. It’s a lot of work. You need to craft a great profile, put up pictures (you don’t have to, but you should) and you have to update them from time to time. You have to troll through the profiles of potential dates (they do all seem to run together into one big “I like walking on the beach at sunset” profile at times). Send emails, answer emails, wonder why only “strange” or “weird” people are sending YOU emails. It takes a certain commitment to finding love to be able to stay patient.

2. There are liars and baddies online. And not necessarily compulsive liars. People lie about their age all the time! I don’t and have actually gotten into a bit of an argument with a date because he kept insisting that I was older than my profile stated, since “everyone” lied. No, I didn’t show him my driver’s license…which brings me to the Baddies. There are unsavory people online and you have to be aware of that. This is often what scares us off from online dating, but it shouldn’t. If you are a savvy dater, you will learn to recognize these people before you even meet them. You will follow the safety rules: Meet in a public, crowded place. Drive yourself there! NO super personal information is to be shared.

3. You need a thick skin. There is rejection galore online. People will reject you…and YOU will reject some of them. It happens, don’t take it personally. When you meet Mr./Ms. Right you will know it and it will work out, and you’ll marvel at how easy THAT came about…because it is easier when you have a good connection.

4. You can lose your sense-of-humor. See number 4 in the pros. You will have to work at finding the funny sometimes, but it’s there. Just think of all the laughs you’ll have about past bad dates with the guy/gal who eventually steals your heart!

So there you have the basic Pros and Cons. There are a few more, but these are the major points to consider when deciding if online dating is for you. And if it is, send us a story or two about your adventures!

Happy Dating

WANT A CHILD? Make Sure to Check their Profile!

Just a quick note to all our readers: We’re thrilled to announce that our blog is now listed on under the category “dating”. If you’re a blogger, writer, or just someone interested in reading about the wacky world of dating, then please visit to check out our latest posts. And be sure to note all of the other fine dating advice and story sites listed in this category (LifeBytes is in FINE company here!). And of course Tweets and other Social shout outs regarding our news are always graciously appreciated…:)

And now, without further ado…Mariann’s post for this week!

I want a child. I am not married and was not therefore blessed with being a parent. I have contemplated adopting or having my own, but I don’t want to intentionally bring a child into a 1 parent household. Also, I travel so much, it would be near impossible to have and raise a child alone.

But, if I got married, I would love to have a child of my own and would welcome getting pregnant or using a surrogate.

I was recently in a relationship where on my profile I put that I “definitely wanted to have kids” and he said “Do not want to have more but OK if my partner does.” I guess I missed that critical piece of information.

We were well into our relationship when he seemed surprised that I wanted children. He said he did not and referred to his profile … It felt like a “but, I told you so” kind of chastisement. So, I rebutted that my profile said I definitely DO want children. So, this is not a one sided oversight of each not seeing something in a profile.

I said that I need to have someone who would be open to having a child if I got pregnant or would consider a surrogate. He came back and asked me questions but did not say he was sticking to his guns on this issue. In fact, one week later at a family event, the subject of children came up and he said to me, “I am great with children, especially infants.” I said, “I am great with kids, especially once they become of shopping age.” I thought this was his way of saying to me that he was OK with it.

People who are parents and have the blessing of a child have forgotten, I think, what it is like to not have a child. And I would think that if someone loves you very much and their mate does NOT have a child, that they would want to give you that and understand it is something you need and want and therefore would be on board. And, when they don’t want to, it makes me wonder the depth of their love and how self-sacrificing they truly are. I think true and deep love is self-sacrificing … you want to put your mate’s need ahead of your own. Now, if this is a constant and it is not reciprocated, then this is a whole different problem.

When I expressed that I would want children, my boyfriend brought up my age and questioned how wise it was. That was sort of insulting. I don’t need to be reminded of how old I am. None of us know when we are going to leave this earth. But, if I can have a positive impact on a child and set out into this world a child with a strong sense of values, self, respect of others and understanding that life is bigger and more important than just them and they need to be a good person who help others, I think the world can only be made better by such a child. I have a classmate from High School who died in her 40s and had 5 kids. I have a cousin who had a child at 53 and she lived well into her 90s. So, operating from a place of doom or fear of “what could happen” only stifles us and is a roadblock.

But, I was experiencing some “issues” with my last boyfriend. And he said one of his big issues was that I wanted to have children and he did not. I do not know what life has in store for me. But, I want to be with and need someone who is open to children. If it happens, then they will be happy and welcoming of this bundle of joy. And, if not, then it is OK with them too.

Some friends and family told me that the likelihood of me having a child was unlikely and asked if I want to risk a relationship for something that may never be. Yes, that is a practical view and good question. But, if the person is not going to be at least accepting of this possibility then they are not thinking of my happiness, may not in the future and is not self – sacrificing … and that is not the kind of love or relationship I am looking for.

So, a caution to those men and women dating who want to have a child … before you go too far down the relationship path, make sure you know if the person wants to have children. If they don’t and you do, then move on. If they say that they are so lucky to have met you and if this is a life experience you would like to have and is so important to you then they would gladly be on board … hang on to him! And, if you do break up with him, please give him my telephone number. LOL.

So, now when I look at a profile, I pay particular attention to this part of their profile.

Have you had a similar experience?


“In A Relationship” – Dating & Facebook Status

Facebook "relationship status"Dare I say it … I hate Facebook. Oh no, I am sure I will shunned by many for saying that who are shaking their head in bewilderment. OK, so I don’t hate Facebook, but I feel like it is crux to avoid personal contact. We don’t call people anymore, we don’t make time to see each other but thru Facebook we feel like we are staying in touch with each other. Yes, to some extent we are, but from a distance and in short sound bites. I feel like it takes the depth our of our relationship and makes it more shallow. I think we become too dependent on Facebook as a way of communicating.

It has become a forum for people to release personal information in a public forum, which to some extent is a form of exhibitionism. Do I really need to know that someone picked their dog up at the Vet? No. Do I need to know that it is raining? No. Do I need to know that you can’t sleep? No. You might disagree with me and think this is critical information, but trust me … it is NOT.
And those who tell very personal info like they are sick or announce their mother died seems odd to me. I get that it is an easy way to let everyone know, but I can’t say that FB would be the first place I would go to announce this. When my mom passed, I called my friends and emailed the ones I could not get. I needed that voice, that comfort and that personal interaction.

This all leads to me to announcing your “relationship status” on Facebook. I can see if you are married, but I like to keep my countenance on personal information and announcing everything to the world. Once it is “out there” you cannot get it back.

And then when you say you are in a relationship with someone and breakup, all the world has to know. I just think some things are better kept private.
I got a lot of flack from family and friends who could not understand why I did not indicate my FB status as “in a relationship” with the person I was dating. I explained that I like my privacy and I don’t need to announce all my personal business to the world.

Then I was given the argument that it could offend my boyfriend if he saw my status was still “single.” But he did not change his status and I was not offended. My attitude is that I am single until the moment I walk down the aisle and say “I do.” And, I swear, the next morning I will change my status to “Married.” I promise!